Repentance
by scarlet elsabeth
Summary: I have wronged my family, my Parents, my Aunt, Elizabeth... I would do anything to set right what I have done, I would sell my soul for her happiness modern AU, OOC, some Ciel/Elizabeth and Ciel/Sebastian
1. Chapter 1

**Author's note **

**Hello and welcome to the first chapter of my very first fanfic, Repentance. I really hope you enjoy it but I must admit, writing isn't exactly my strong point, no I mean it reallllllly isn't my strong point, but I have loads of ideas for fics so I thought I'd roll with one**

**This is a modern AU, OOC story and Ciel 18 at the stories present time **

**Rated M for future content**

'Beep… Beep… Beep… Beep'

I started awake, groaning as I turned to hit my alarm off.

Blearily I rubbed my eyes, my room finally coming into focus, surveying my four poster bed and midnight blue walls.

Then, as with every morning, I held my breath turning my head to my door…

30 seconds, I did not allow myself to breath,

a minute, still I would not allow myself air,

at almost two minutes my vision began to cloud and I forced myself to take a large gulp of air as if I was swallowing the very air molecules in the room. To me, I was, every breath I took precious, feeding me and continuing my life. Not because I felt I deserved to live, no, the very opposite, living was my punishment, it was the result of my self-inflicted torture that I forced myself into the same morning routine of starving myself of oxygen until the point of oblivion only to snatch it away from myself at the last minute.

I turned back to the door, still nothing. Even after eight years I still held on to a vain hope that one morning I would awake to the sight of Tanaka pushing a trolley carrying a steaming teapot and buttered toast into my room, greeting me good morning as he came. I lost myself to my fantasy for a moment imaging him, gently pulling back my curtains, all the while asking me how I had slept. I would then tell him of the vivid nightmare I had had… but no, I would not allow myself to wallow in such fantasies. This was my reality and it was time for me to get up and face it.

I wrenched myself from my bed and pulled back my curtains allowing light to fall into my room. My room… even though it belonged to me, I hardly felt any connection to the place. It contained only the bare minimum and none of it chosen by myself. A grand four poster bed was the main focal point of the room, sculpted in beautiful mahogany and adored with drapes of the deepest midnight blue. The walls were coloured in a lighter shade of the same blue, yet the large windows prevented the room from being too darkly coloured. The walls were bare of any sort of decorations and indeed the only other furniture in the room was a small bed side table containing only a lamp and a large wardrobe made of the same mahogany of the bed. It was to this wardrobe that I head first, picking up the outfit I had hung on its handle the night before and heading to my ensuite to get ready for the day.

After a cold shower, I dressed myself quickly it to a pair of steel grey dress pants, a fitted lighter grey shirt, navy blue tie and waistcoat, matching the colour of my trousers. The whole ensemble was well tailored and hugged my small frame like a second skin, emphasising my finest physical features, or so I had been told. After towelling my hair off and flattening it as best as I could, I exited the bathroom to fetch a few more pieces of my ensemble. Taking a box down from my wardrobe, I rooted in it until I found my light grey eye patch, I would usually prefer to wear my plain black one but I could just imagine the fit that would ensue at breakfast if even one part of my outfit did not compliment the rest. Covering my right eye with the patch, I tied it with a neat bow behind my head. Finally I slipped on a pair of soft leather black shoes and grabbed my long grey woollen coat, praying the outfit I had put together would please all parties.

Although, even in my attempt to impress, I still did not seek out my reflection to check my appearance.

I snuck into the kitchen, where thankfully, everyone was too busy eating breakfast to notice my presence, and headed over to the counters, flicking the kettle on and popping two pieces of bread into the toaster. I places a tea bag in a mug readying it for when the kettle had boiled, realising I had run out of distractions I surveyed the people sitting around the breakfast table.

There they were, the three members of my 'adoptive family'. It was weird, I had always viewed them as close relatives, which of course they were, but ever since they had been appointed as my guardians, I had felt less like family to them and more a necessary hardship. It was clear that no one in the house wanted me here, yet I was tolerated because I had to be.

I looked at the Middleford family, my last remaining relatives and only hoped that one day that I could at least pay them back for their tolerance. I was well acquainted to Francis Middleford eyeing me with a stern expression, even as a small child, yet, even as she had berated me during my youth for my poor posture throughout my fencing lessons, she had always held me with kind eyes behind her outward hostility. Yet now she only viewed me with the utmost distain as though my very existence caused her stomach to turn. Her husband, Alexis, had always been a kind father figure throughout his childhood, if not slightly intimidating, but now he too only viewed me with contempt.

However, I could of taken the hateful looks sent my way by the pair of them, if it had not of been for the similar look that graced the beautiful face of my childhood best friend.

Elizabeth Middleford had grown up to be beautiful; there was no other way to describe her. At nineteen, she had grown out of many of her childish ways preferring to wear her golden hair down, cascading in loose curls, her eloquent facial features accentuated tastefully using makeup including her, now signature, bright red lipstick. Her navy blue dress, had a distinctive nautical theme, which I assumed must be the latest fashion, otherwise it would not of been worn by her plain and simple. She no longer abstained from heels, as she had when we were younger; instead her feet were encased in a pair of bright red paten heels. As a child, she had always hated the fact she was taller than me but now it was a whole different matter, and whilst she still had a height advantage even without her shoes, those extra inches, ensured she was always able to look down upon me.

Despite the fact that Elizabeth (I dare not refer to her as Lizzy, I had lost that right), held me in a similar regard as her parents, she was, in short, my only reason for living. The old best friend, that I had wronged so badly, was the reason I dragged myself from bed every day and the reason I allowed my existence to continue. If my death would bring her happiness, then I would not hesitate in acquiescing, but it could not. So I had vowed to myself to do everything in my power to make her happy, showering her in my loyalty, much like a dog to its master, because that was what I was. I belonged to her…

The sound of the toaster popping startled me from my train of thought, and I quickly placed the toast on a plate and finished making my tea before approaching the table. I took my usual seat, next to my Aunt, with Alexis and the head of the table to my left and Elizabeth sitting directly across from me, all the while avoiding look at the chair to her left.

The silence was interrupted by a sigh from Elizabeth,

"Ciel, for goodness sake, your hair is out of place, flatten it down, todays my big day and I won't have you ruining the photos".

"I'm sorry, Elizabeth", I murmured, quickly flattening my offending hair, "is everything else okay?"

She carefully took in my appearance before gently nodding,

"Yes, everything else is passable. I'm surprized, you've actually managed to impress me, and you even stuck to my colour choice. I do hope this is how you intend to continue".

Her words were said with a fierceness that did not reach her eyes. Although, Elizabeth had grown into a strong and powerful women, capable of ripping anyone limb from limb with words alone, I knew she still found it difficult to be harsh to me and I hope that I need not make her be.

The rest of breakfast was finished in silence and it was only until the Middleford's household staff had clear the plates away that Alexis spoke,

"Well, Ciel today is a big today, one we have all been planning for for a very long time, let's hope everything will go to plan, hey", he gave me a soft smile that didn't quite reach his eyes.

I prayed it would too as I replied with a, "yes, Sir".

"Well then, we need to get going or we'll be late", came Elizabeth's response and she moved round the table to take my arm.

Taking one final look at the painfully empty chair at the table, I resolved myself and allowed Elizabeth to pull me from the room towards a future I did not deserve.

**So, you made it to the end, well done you! I really hope you liked that first chapter and it got you wondering what on earth is going on!**

**What has Ciel done?**

**Why does everyone hate him?**

**Why is he being an angsty brat?**

**Why is he so concerned over a chair?**

**Want to know? Well then, please, please, please review. Feel free to dish out some constructive criticism, god knows I need it.**

**(For anyone whose wondering, I modelled Lizzy off Jayne wisener with Blair Waldorf's fashion sense, just so you know)**


	2. Chapter 2

**I'm back the second chapter of Repentance :D I really hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.**

**Disclaimers: (because I forgot to do them in the first chapter) I do not own Kuroshitsuji or any of its characters **

**Warnings: none for this chapter**

The car journey had been a quiet affair, with myself and Elizabeth travelling in one car and her parents in another. Every so often, Elizabeth would turn to me and smile, occasionally lightly squeezing my hand. I wasn't exactly sure whose nerves she was trying to calm, hers or my own.

I felt as though no time had passed before we pulled up at the large mock Tudor mansion, that was the Phantomphive family's country estate. As a child, my parents and I had spent our summers here and the odd weekends where my father was able to get away from work. Now the house was only used by the Funtom Company to entertain guests in a less formal setting than the one offered by its London inner-city headquarters.

I climbed out of the car as soon as the driver opened the door, making sure to offer my hand to Elizabeth, so she was able to exit the vehicle in the refined manor that a dress did not always allow.

As we neared the house I could already hear the hum of chatter and music coming from the garden and I led Elizabeth towards the source of the noise. Sure enough, as we rounded the corner I took in the sight of a large garden party, already in full swing. I couldn't help but smile, Elizabeth had really out done herself with this one. Not only was the party aesthetically pleasing, with the garden in full bloom, the style harkening back to old Victorian cottage gardens, but the guest list was just as impressive to say the least. Just from where I was standing I observed CEO's, politicians, musicians, film stars, models and every other member of high society in-between. I also couldn't help but notice the half a dozen photographers, standing off at the end of the party, drinks in hand, cameras hug around their necks awaiting the inevitable announcement we would have to make.

"Lizzy!"

I turned to see who was calling her name, only to spot a small group comprising of Elizabeth's best friends madly waving her to come join them.

I turned to look at her, "you should go, have fun; this parties all about you and you deserve it. You've done a wonderful job of organising everything Elizabeth, I'm so proud of you", I gave her a warm smile which she returned,

"Thank you, are you sure you'll be alright on your own", her voiced raised in a concerned tone.

I tried to fake a small laugh replying, "it's only a party, I'm sure I'll manage, what's the worst that could happen".

I was unconvinced by my own words, and judging by her facial expression, Elizabeth wasn't putting much stall in it either, but she seemed to let it slide and after a minute added,

"Okay, well I see you for the announcement later then", before tottering off to her friends who greeted her with delighted squeaks.

Watching Elizabeth go, I looked around the party for someone to talk to, however, the only people I recognised were members of the Funtom Company and its various business partners, not exactly the people I wanted to converse with in a social setting. Then again, I was hard pressed to think of anyone who I would be. The majority of the guests were here because of Elizabeth, not me. Her influence had spread rapidly over the last couple of years since starting up her own company at the age of sixteen. Elizabeth had always loved fashion and with a future dependent on me unsure, she had taken her own initiative in setting up her own design studio. Though the company may only be a few years old it had grown rapidly in size to a multimillion pound fashion brand and had turned Elizabeth from an A list it girl to a world renowned business entrepreneur.

At first I had been hesitant about Elizabeth running a company, it would mean unnecessary stress for her and I feared that her main motive was fear for her financial security considering that at the time it may have been inconceivable that I ever take up control of my father's company. I vowed that once I was head of the Funtom company I would make Elizabeth know that she would never had to work another day in her life as I would always be there to provide for her. Yet over the years I saw how much Elizabeth had thrown herself into her work, at first being a welcome distraction for her from all that was going on, but the company soon became her pride and joy and I understood that asking Elizabeth to give it up would be tantamount to taking away her one constant form of happiness.

Sighing, I decided to at least get myself a drink and then it probably wouldn't hurt if I tried to get to know some of the company's business partners a little better. Decision made I started forward but was stopped by the sound of my name being called.

"Ciel, Ciel, ah, there you are, I've been waiting ages for your arrival".

I felt my lips curl into a small smile, "Diedrich, it's good to see you", and the truth is, it was. My father's old friend was the only person I knew from before the incident who I was still able comfortably look in the eye anymore.

"Likewise, how is everything been going, it's been a few weeks since I've stopped by the office but I'm sure you're managing just fine without me", he flashed me a smile before continuing, " I do feel a bit ashamed to admit it but I may of abused some of my influence to have a copy of the Funtom companies figure for this quarter sent over to my new offices, a 0.6% growth is highly impressive, Ciel, something I'm not ashamed to admit I could not of achieved even with the years of practise I've had. Yet look at you, you've only been running the company for a year and sales have shot up, you really are your father's son".

I smiled at the compliment; it was high praise indeed, praise I felt I did not deserve yet.

"Diedrich please, I would never of achieved anything if it had not of been for all of your help, the Funtom company owes its very existence to you, I shall always be grateful for what you have done".

"Nonsense, Ciel, I haven't had anything to do with the company all year, all its success have been down to you, and its time you started taking some pride in the things you've achieved, I know your father would have".

A shriek of laughter was heard at Diedrich's words and I snapped my head around, searching for the source of it.

Oh no.

That was my only thought as I saw who the laughter had come from. Angela Blanc was standing a slight distance from Diedrich and myself and judging by her expression she had been listening to our conversation with interest. Even worse, I looked down to see a, now, almost empty wine glass clutched in her well-manicured hands, and judging by the way she was slightly swaying on the spot, the glass had not been her first.

"Proud… of that brat, oh Dierich, don't make me laugh, old Vincent would be turning in his grave to know that his coward of a son was standing here bold as brass ruining the reputation of the company and family he worked his whole life for", she giggle again before sending me a glare.

"Angela", Diedrich snapped harshly, "do not dare throw such accusations around, I knew Vincent Phantomphive as if he was my own brother, and I know, that he would look at the achievements his son has made with a great deal of pride".

I, for my own part, said nothing. I could not find myself agreeing with Dierich's words, how could my father be proud of me after all I had done.

Angela snorted, "Oh yes Dierich, whilst I agree his achievements for the company have been admirable, that is not what I was referring to".

I froze not wanting to hear her next words. Angela had begun to cause a scene, one that most of the nearby guests were now closely watching and I noticed that Dierich had seemed to have had enough, as he motioned over the security that had been hired for the party.

"Alright that's enough of the false accusations", he said, "your drunk, Angela, your speaking of things that you don't understand nor do you have any business in doing so, I think it's time you left".

The security gently grabbed hold of each of Angela's arms and attempted to steer her around but Angela was having none of it.

"No business in doing so, how dare you, Angelina Durless was my cousin, a cousin I care very deeply for, and because of that piece of filth she's dead".

I paled at her accusation; my breaths were coming in short gasps which I desperately tried to control. I could not bear the thought of breaking down into an asthma attack in front of the, now, large crowd that had gathered to watch the commotion.

But Angela had not finished and was determined to say her piece, "And what about poor Edward Middleford, huh?" she continued, ripping herself away from the security and jabbing me hard in the ribs with her finger, "he would still be alive and not ripped to bloody shreds if it had not been for your cowardliness, you have disgraced your family name, the disfigurement you cover up so nicely only reflects the true creature that you are".

Diedrich had had enough, snapping at the security guards he demanded that she was removed from the party immediately, but Angela was not going to go quietly even as the guards dragged her away she continued with her cries.

"That's right Ciel Phantomphive, you have blood on your hands, it doesn't matter what you do, that won't change. If your father was still alive he would die from the shame of a son so lacking of a back bone that he would happily allow others to go to their deaths in pure agony so long as it meant saving your own precious skin. You will never live up to him, you're not worthy enough to lick the dirt from his shoes and yet you stand there, in some sick mockery to his name, as though you deserve everything you've been left. Well here's to you, Ciel Phantomphive, to everything you deserve, may your soul eternally rot in the flames of hell for all that you have done".

The last sentence was followed by shrieks of laughter that seemed to piece my body like knives. My legs were shaking, my breathing harsh, my blood was pounding. The pressure in my head was immense and I just wanted it to stop, I wanted to claw away the front of my head with my nails. To break open my skull and relieve the pressure I felt. Everyone was watching me, they were blurring in and out of focus. Dierich was talking to me but I couldn't comprehend what he was saying, my ears filled with the sound of my own blood. Angela's words of hell replayed to me yet I felt I was already there, the burn of hell's fire in my lungs, the smell of smoke constricting my breathing. The oh so familiar smell of smoke, I felt it was etched into my very being, it was always there, always present as painful as the memories that rushed to the forefront of my mind. Smoke and fire, blood, photos…

No, I would not allow myself to think. Despite, the searing pain in my lungs, I turned, I ran, just like I had run from everything since that day…

**Well wasn't that interesting hmmm! Yeah I'm not going to tell you what's going on yet, I'm going to make you wait mwhahaha**

**God I hate Angela, she's such as bitch so she was just screaming out to me to fill that role, but I do love me some Dierich, just in case it wasn't clear he was the one controlling the Funtom company in between Vincent's death and Ciel taking over, he such a good friend right?**

**Oh and the "disfigurement" that Ciel has that Angela was talking about is the one under his eye patch. Those hate speeches from Angela were so hard to write, I wanted her to really insult Ciel but at the same time I wanted to retain the impression that she was from high society. I've tried to do that with everyone, thus you may of notice the language is been all PG- 13 worthy. But don't worry that will change ;)**

**Wow this is turning into a long Author's note but I do just want to say that Sebastian will be coming into to this soon, maybe not next chapter but he will and oh how things will get worse for Ciel, ooooooo my fingers are all quivering at the thought of writing his intro already.**

**I really hope you enjoyed this chapter, and if you did please leave me a review :D**

**OHHHHHH and I want to say I HUGEEEEEEEE thank you to promocat for my first ever review and I hope you liked this chapter :D**


	3. Chapter 3

**I'm back with Chapter three of Repentence!**

**Okay so I've been attempting to make my chapters a bit longer but have totally failed miserably because I just felt right for this chapter to end where it did, welp?**

**Well I hope you enjoy and R & R :D**

**Disclaimer: I don't own kuroshitsuji because if I did Lizzy and Finny would be having a secret love affair on the side**

I ran from the party, desperately seeking refuge, somewhere I wouldn't have to hide my tear stained face from view. Reaching the back door of the, I wrenched it open, and dashed for the first available room, the kitchen. By now the adrenalin rush I had felt fleeing the scene had all but been used up and the symptoms of my asthma hit me full force. Shoving my hand into my inner coat pocket, I grabbed my inhaler before taking long deep puffs on the device. After several minutes the medicine started to work and I could feel the iron band around my lungs loosen until finally I was able to breath normally once again. Sighing, I slid down one of the kitchen walls, remaining perfectly still on the cold slate floor. The last thing I wanted to do was start moving around only to trigger another attack.

When it was clear that I had indeed recovered, I remained seated debating exactly what I should do. I didn't want to return to the party so soon nor could I leave, Elizabeth was depending on me. Well, I definitely wasn't up to facing the outside just yet, no doubt the press had caught up with what had happened, I could only pray that none of them had been there to witness it.

That was the last thing I needed, some over-zealous journalist publishing more articles about the state of my mental health, I'm not sure I could handle that all over again. I had worked too hard to regain the reputation of my company to have it put to shambles because I wasn't able to control my own emotions. It was strange really, the way I handled the company. At first, most had been reluctant to allow me to take total control. Again and again I was told sell the company, to save myself the stress.

However, I was staunchly against selling. The company had been in my family for generations, not only that it had been my father's pride and joy and one of the only things I had left of him. I couldn't let it go. Although, as it turned out, my advisers need not worry. Whilst I was generally inept in most aspects of my life, my job was the exception. In a working environment I shined, I found myself able to openly converse with strangers, something I couldn't even do in the confined of my own home. Usually, in a social situation, I would shut down or withdraw at the hint of an argument, whereas, in the company, I relished the chance to state my professional opinion and even to counter the opposition. I knew that once I had complete control over the company, I would have to do my upmost to diminish the doubts that many had over me, yet after the success of my first year I had, at least, begun to make a dint into those doubts. Of course, my situation was well documented by the press, something I usually despised; however, I actually had found it to be beneficially of late. My dislike of social situations was well known, and as such, business clients, who would usually be inclined to get to know me better, avoided it, knowing that I would prefer to work rather than play.

My psychologist had never been able exactly pin pointed why I was so comfortable in a social situation, although she did have her theories. Her main one being that my job was the only thing in my life that had remained constant before and after the incident. I was always to be head of the company and as such had always been psychologically prepare to be so. Personally, I believed that to be rubbish, as with most of what my psychologist said. I believed the real reason to be much simpler; it was the same reason for why I did anything in my life. Guilt. For when it came down to it, it always came back to guilt with me. I had failed my father and so the only way I felt I could redeem myself was to help improve the company he had loved so much. It wasn't an overly complex reason and one I definitely didn't need a science degree to tell you about, but there you go.

Business was the only thing I had found solace it whilst recovering. I poured over books on business studies, read article on article in every financial journal I could get my hands on. I hired private tutors, to teach me every business related subject there was so I would have a well-rounded skill set. When I was deemed able to go out in public again, I spent most of my time shadowing Dierich as he headed the company in my stead and familiarised myself with every intricate detail my company had to offer. Of course, I an advantage over many who wish to learn anything, I had no distractions. I spent every minute of my waking day devoted on bettering my knowledge of how to make my company great.

And now I may have blown a year's hard work in one day.

Sighing I began to lift myself from the floor, I had to back out there soon, otherwise people would begin to question my absence. For the first time I took in the kitchen I was standing in. In truth, it had been a long time since I had set foot in here. The country estate had been in my family for generations and as such was still set up as a Victorian mansion. The floor I was now on, although technically the ground floor, would have actually been used for the servants, hence why the kitchen was located down here. Back when my parents were still alive, a cook and a few other helpers had been employed to help care for the house. I always remember how this would annoy my mother; for the most part she got total control over the cooking and cleaning at the town house, but at the instance of my father, was no allowed to do anything that would be considered as house work. He was always adamant that, while we stayed here, we were on holiday and should act as such.

I frowned, reminiscing was not getting me anywhere, I needed to try and stay focused. It probably wouldn't hurt if I headed to the bathroom and splashed some water on my face, might help me to get through the rest of this day in one piece. I headed out of the kitchen and towards the stairs that lead up to the main house; however, I froze in place at the foot of them, listening to a familiar voice whispering at the top of the stair case.

"We shouldn't be in here, what if someone sees us."

"Oh come on Liz, darling, no one is going to come up here, why would they, they're probably all out their bragging about whose got the most money or some shit like that."

That first voice, that had been Elizabeth talking I was sure, but the second, I wasn't sure but it sounded like Elizabeth's sectary. I'd met him a couple of times, Elizabeth had even occasional brought him round to the house. Ronald, I sure that was his name. Why would they be hidden away in here though? Part of me wanted to slowly sneak away, to leave them to their private business, because of course that is what they were discussion, business, why else would they be here? But another part of me forced myself to remain still and listen for their next words.

"But w-what about Ciel…" Well that had perked my interest, why would they be discussing me?

"Hah, oh don't worry about your little boyfriend; he's probably still out there, in a corner somewhere being his usual depressed state. I mean yeah, all the stuff that happened to him, it was messed up and shit but the guys a wreak, from what I've heard he sits at home rocking himself to sleep in a puddle of his own tears and then gets up the next day, goes into work and rips his employees a new arsehole if a single thing isn't to his liking. I mean god, the guys a business genius, no denying but he's seriously pyscho, I mean look at the way he acts around you."

"I don't know what you mean, Ciel is always so careful around me, he would never do anything to hurt me."

"Exactly, he wouldn't do anything to hurt you, but he wouldn't do anything to love you either Lizzy. He treats you like a porcelain doll, not the able women that you are, he doesn't respect your independence and he definitely doesn't hold any romantic attractions for you."

"But Ronald, you don't understand, I have to…"

"No, Lizzy you don't…. you don't have to do anything." The anger that had suddenly surged up in Ronald's voice quickly died. "You say you have to be with him, but you don't love him, yeah you care about him, but those are underlying feelings from when you were a kid. You're not happy with him and you never will be. You say that he won't hurt you, yet he spent time in that mental ward for a reason. Yes he cares for you, but he does it through guilt not love. By agreeing to be with him, you'll remove the possibility of ever having love in your life… of ever being happy", he finished softly.

My breath hitched. Was that true?

"Ronald..," Lizzy Started but he cut her off.

"Can you honestly look me in the eye and tell me you will be happy in a relationship with that man or will you spend the rest of your life in purgatory with a man that does not love you. Is there even the possibility that he will ever cause you to feel even a twinge of happiness?"

Silence fell, a silence that broke my heart.

"See", Ronald continued, "you cannot marry him because he cannot give you what you want. Whereas as I can."

My heart was fluttering wildly.

"He can never give you love and yet I love you already with all my heart, he can never give you happiest, yet I would devote my very being just to see a smile grace you face. I can give you the things you've always desired, a family and an escape from the past. Please, Lizzy, I beg you choose love over despair, choose me over him."

Again there was silence, but I would have done anything for that silence to continue, to never hear another sound again of it meant I didn't hear the noise that followed the silence. The sound of the lips of two people connecting…

**Le gasp, Lizzy you bitch (no I kid, I actually like Lizzy for the most part)**

**Yeah just an interesting note, I didn't make up the whole adrenaline eases of the symptoms of asthma thing, it really does. (Yeah, I'm a Biology student so I had to put something biological in this even if it was just small) **

**Oh yeah and Sebastian will finally come in in the next chapter **

**Thanks for reading **


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: I did say I was going to give you a long chapter and I'm actually delivering. Also I'm delivering on Sebastian's pretty butt showing up so please enjoy. **

_**I do not own Kuroshitsuji, because if I did Ronald would get his own spin-off**_

_**Warnings: nothing much although some minor mentions of violence**_

Running, it was the story of my life and here I was running again.

I was running from the scene above as quietly as my shaking limbs would allow me to. Ronald's words were being replayed over and over in my head, '_he can never give you happiness'_. That one phrase broke me; it ripped my very purpose from my being. I could never make Elizabeth happy? Just the thought of it made me feel as if a dagger had been plunged into my heart. The pain I felt at this moment surpassed any physical harm I had ever suffered in my past. Because Ronald had been wrong about one thing. I did love Elizabeth. To know that being with the one person that I loved, my main reason for living, cause them unhappiness was more painful than any other form of torture.

But it was more than that. Even those in love will hurt the other at some point in time. Passion is the combination of both anger and love; you cannot have one without the other. But this was different. Yes, I knew that Elizabeth did not love me but I had deluded myself into believing that one day I could change that. That I would prove my feelings for her and after time she would come return them. In truth, I would have been content just make her happy, that was all I wanted. To think that being with me would cause her despair was too much for me bare. It made me want to rip my heart from my chest with my own hands, to end my own retched existence. How did someone like me, someone who could only cause suffering, have the right to live?

By now I had reached the back door and concentrated on letting myself out as quietly as I could manage. Yet, now here I stood on the other side of the door, with no idea of what to do. I couldn't move forward, it would only lead to back to the party, nor could I move back. I was stuck in Limbo, there was nowhere to go, no one to turn to, I had run out of options.

At times like these as a child, there was one place that I would go to find refuge from my problems, and reluctantly this was the place I headed to now. The labyrinth. As childish as I felt, it was the logical thing to do. It was located at the back of the garden, so I could easily get to it without having the face the party and it would guarantee me some time alone so I could decide what I would do.

It didn't take me long to reach the entrance, luckily I had managed to avoid anyone on the way, and I retraced the steps I had taken so many times as a child straight to the Labyrinth's centre. Well at least it was quite here. The only thing in the centre was a marble water fountain; I sat on the edge of it, hoping the sound of the trickling water would help calm my frazzled nerves. But it didn't take long for an inner turmoil to begin inside me.

Today was meant to be an important day. It was meant to be the day I made the announcement of mine and Elizabeth's engagement. It was meant to be the day I promised to marry the woman I loved and yet how could I do that knowing that she would never love me back. Moreover, how did I know she would agree to our marriage, how did I know she hadn't run off with Ronald already?

Then again…

How did I know that Elizabeth reciprocated Ronald's feelings? His confession may have only been that, a confession to her not a mutual agreement. She may not even feel that way. Maybe I was blowing this whole thing out of proportion…

But that was only what I wanted to think because, after all, even if Elizabeth didn't return his feelings, there was no denying she definitely did not return mine. No, I could not enter into this engagement with her. I would not be the cause of Elizabeth's unhappiness. I would call it off, I would end this charade.

However, as soon as my mind was set, more of Ronald's words floated back to me, '_the able woman that you are'. _Ronald was right; Elizabeth was indeed a strong and able woman. A woman, who was perfectly able to make her own decisions. Elizabeth had made no objection to the engagement, she have never shown any signs of having second thoughts and I did not doubt that if this was something she did not want, then she would put a stop to it. No, she may not be marrying me for love but there were, I suppose, advantages of being my wife. I had money, social status, a title…

So no, I should do nothing. Elizabeth knows her own mind and she can make her own decisions… but then again… What if she was trying to avoid public scandal? What if she felt pressured into the marriage by her parents? What if? What if? What if?

I let my head fall into my hands. I just didn't know. There were so many questions I couldn't answer. I had nowhere to turn, no idea of what to do. I felt the tension in my shoulder blades, the shaking in my legs and the intense pressure in my skull.

A single tear ran down my cheek, as I whispered to myself, "_Somebody help me please?", _before cascades of tears ran off my face.

"_My, My, My, what do we have here, hmm?"_

My head shot up at the sound of a deep male voice and I quickly wiped away the tears that had been dripping from my chin. Straightening up, I was rather surprized to see there was indeed a man standing just in front of me.

Giving him an appraising look, I quickly took in his profile. Tall, black hair, business suit. All in all his appearance struck me as your typical 20 something businessman. Smart enough to look profession, handsome enough to attract female attention.

And yet… There was something not… right about him.

Whilst his overall appearance struck me as nothing out of the ordinary, there was something about his presences, the way he filled the space he occupied, because that was it, he didn't. He occupied more. It sounded like nonsense, even in my head, but it was true. The only thing I could liken it too was the feeling you get when someone goes to touch you, but makes no actual contact. The way you can feel they're there without even looking; that their hand is hovering just above your skin. The sensation that causes the uncomfortable feeling of your hairs standing on end, that fear of the unknown, your bodies preparation for fight or flight. That is how he made me feel.

But if that wasn't disconcerting enough, then his eyes were enough to have me frozen in place with fear. It wasn't just there blood red appearance; it was the way they were looking at me, that really scared me. His stare was transfixing, intimidating and hungry…

Okay I needed to get a grip on myself, I wasn't making any sense. Shaking my head slightly to clear my thoughts, I realised I must have been staring at him when he cocked his head to the side slightly. With his simple movement, I hastily regained as much composure as I could muster before finally saying something.

"_Sorry", _I said setting my face in, what I hoped looked like, a confident smile, _"you must be one of the guests from the party, I'm afraid I don't recognise you, Mr…?"_

His lips curled into a rather sinister smirk before he replied, _"no"._

My eyebrows furrowed slightly in confusion, _"no?" _I laughed nervously, "_what do you mean?"_

The curl of his lips grew tighter before he replied, _"no, I am not a party guest, although you did invite me"._

Now I really was confused. I wanted to ask him what he meant, I wanted to ask him why he was here and mostly I wanted to know who this man was, but I wasn't able to. My mind was desperately battling with my mouth attempting to say something, but it was as though my voice had been ripped from me.

The man obviously found some form of amusement in my distress as he chuckled lightly to himself, "hmm_, do not fear little one, I will not harm you, I am here to help you."_

"_help… me?"_

"_Yes, in your despair you cried out and I am here to answer. Your sweet cry of desperation called out to me, the pain and sadness of your soul beckoned me close and now I am here to serve you as you wish, to cater to your desire, to grant you your deepest darkest wish. That is what my kind do after all."_

So many questions had rushed to the forefront of my mind with his statement, but one had slipped from my lips before any other had time to be coherently formed.

"_Your kind?"_

His eyes bore into my own and his tongue quickly flicked across his lips before he answered with one single word, one single impossible word.

"_Demons."_

I stared at him incredulously, yet even though I was conflicted, though part of my was screaming to see reason and sense, that demons weren't real , that none of this was true, I believed him.

It wasn't that he emanated evil exactly; it was more complicated than that. It was more that he radiated ever dark emotion, the painful ache of loss, unequivocal feeling of sadness, the merciless claws of desperation and the fiery grip of anger. They were all there and more. Yet I couldn't suppress the voice of reason in my own head, too many times I had ignored that voice. I had learnt long ago not to trust myself, that my mind could not be trusted, that the things that seemed so clear in my head were not always true. Question what you see, find the truth within the lies.

"_Prove it."_

My demand seemed to surprize him for a moment as the smirk slipped ever so slightly from his face, but it soon it retuned in full force.

"_Your name is Ciel Phantomphive, you are currently 18 years old and are the head of the Funtom corporation. Your parents were murdered when you were 10 years old, whilst you were kidnapped and went missing for a month until your apparent escape. You were deeply disturbed by the experience and spent a period of two years in a mental rehabilitation clinic before you were deemed able to return to public life, although you still suffer from some conditions. Since your release, you have lived with your parents close friends and your distant relatives, the Middlefords, whose daughter you have been engaged to since birth". _He paused as if to let the information sink in.

I felt nothing short of relief. I knew I had panicked over nothing, all that information could have been regurgitated from my Wikipedia page. Well then, all that was left now what to try and find out this man's angle, what exactly was he after. Disturbed I may be, but not invalid and I did not take kindly to being taken for a ride. With my condition so well know many had tried to take advantage of it, with elaborate tricks to deceive me, yet none had succeeded, although I had to say this one was the most audacious of them all.

I let my month fall into a smirk of its own, _"Please, was that information meant to be convincing, do you have any idea of who you're dealing with?"_

However, the man did not seem phased in the slightest, _"Ah but I was only getting started, for example ,I know you place the blame for Edward Middleford's death on yourself"._

My smile twitched ever so slightly but remained in place, _"common knowledge again I'm afraid, the press surmised as much". _

"_Ah but it is not common knowledge that it is true is it, that the blame for his death really does lie with you, that the decision you made, or rather failed to make, resulted in his murder"._

By now the smile had been wiped from my face and I had to clench my fists to prevent my hands from shaking. He could not know that, very few people knew what had transpired and not one of them would have told a living soul.

"_How do you know that?"_

"_I can read it from you as clearly as one could read the words from a page. I know everything that has ever happened to you, every detail of the humiliation and torture you received at the hands of your kidnappers, the events that led to Edward's death, the exact nature of the mental problems you so desperately try to hide from everyone. By most of all I can see your greatest wish and your greatest fear. You wish for the happiness of Elizabeth Middleford, a truly noble desire, one that would sicken me to the core if it were not tainted by such selfish need. Yes, you wish for her happiness, but it is your greatest fear that she will find it with another. That is why the scene you just saw disturbed you so much. You tell yourself that you would not marry her if she was to be happier with another and yet we both know this not true. If you truly cared only for her happiness then you would have ended the engagement long ago, you have always know she does not love you and never will yet you chain her to you still. It is that dark desire that has brought me to you, I wish to fulfil it, I wish to form a contract."_

I wanted to deny his statement, to protest that my love for Elizabeth was pure and not corrupted by selfish need, but I found I couldn't. This demon, because I held no doubt now that he was one, was right. I was twisted and cold, I always had been. I had allowed Edward to die in my place and now I wished to bind his sister to me in my own selfish desire. By the true extent of my evilness went further, I may have accepted the truth but I was not willing to let it go. I was not willing to let her go.

"_What do you mean by a contract"?_

"_You are a businessman are you not, so I am assuming you are referring to my terms? They are quite simple really, I will help you to obtain the happiness of Elizabeth Middleford with yourself and at the point at which that has been obtained you will in return grant me your soul". _

"_My… Soul?"_

"_Yes, the one thing every demon truly desires, to feast on a human soul, to consume its very essence. Ideal terms for a contract really, we both get what we want in the end. So what do you say Ciel Phantomphive, will you bargain away your soul in exchange for her happiness?_

Elizabeth's happiness in exchange for my soul? I had never been one to believe in any sort of afterlife, never believed in the concepts of heaven or hell, but if demons exist then surely they must too. If I was to agree to this deal, would that mean I would be ensuring an eternity of suffering for myself? Surely I could reach a decision for what to do about my situation without resorting to a demons help? But then, if hell did exist then surely that was where my soul would be headed anyway. I had done too many evil things in my life all ready to warrant me a place in heaven. If this was to be the case, then dying happy with Elizabeth's love would be better than going to the flames of hell without it?

I licked my lips nervously, _"Yes, I will"._

"_Hmm wonderful, well that is settled, we shall form a contract, I will manipulate the feelings of Elizabeth Middleford and cause her to fall in love with you and you in return will make me the promise of your soul"._

He made to step forward towards me but I frantically shook my head in protest, _"no"._

"_No?" _he raised an eyebrow at me.

"_I do not wish for Elizabeth's feelings to be manipulated, I want her to love me of her own accord, through her own free will"._

The demon turned away slightly, _"Ahh, well that is where you ask too much. To manipulate human emotions is easy for me but to cause those feeling to grow naturally, takes time and effort, you pitiable soul is hardly worth the trouble". _He made to walk away but, in an act that surprized even me, I launched myself at him, grabbing on to his wrist and attempting to pull him back against me, but it was akin to trying to pull back a wild horse. However, my actions had at least caused him to pause.

"_Please", _I begged _"you can have my soul I do not care"._

The demon surveyed me through slited eyes that gleamed with malice, _"and what exactly would I want with your soul",_ he spat, his words like poison, _"how will your soul satisfy my hunger, the soul of someone so weak and pathetic that they cannot even look at himself in a mirror without feeling utter loathing and disgust for his own reflection?"_

His words hurt, they really did. To know that a creature supposedly as malicious and sadistic as a demon did not even see me as worthy enough to devour ripped the last shred of my fragile psyche apart.

Silent tears where rolling down my cheeks as all my pride finally caved in.

"_Please…I would do anything, give you anything but please"._

"_Humans say anything but they do not pause to take into account all the imaginable connotations, their minds are too small to deal with the concept"._

"_N-n-no I meant it really!"_

"_Oh", _he purred almost innocently, _"well then how about this, I will help you to gain Elizabeth's love. Once happily married, you would bear a beautiful child together and Elizabeth will grow to love the child as greatly as a mother should. Then after a year I would rip that child away, claim its soul as my own, leaving poor Miss Elizabeth heartbroken. But time can mend a broken heart and eventually you would bear another child. Maybe I would allow this one to live longer, to taste more of the sweet pleasures of life before I destroy its being. Now poor Elizabeth would be quite distressed but you know what they say third times a charm and you would be blessed with a third child. Only this time Elizabeth would be determined to protect and care for this one at all cost, keep them close at all time. Yet she would not be able to protect it from me and its death would follow just as the others. Well by now as you could imagine little Elizabeth_ _is positively distraught, haunted by the memories and her failure to protect her children she would quickly wish for a release from her pain and I would be there to take her as my own, leaving you alive to suffer the consequences". _The smirk had finally fallen from him face to be replaced by a look of pure contempt, _"How does that deal sound to you, little human". _

_N-n-n-no, no, no please, do whatever you want to me b-b-but just not Elizabeth", _I had fallen desperately to my knees and my whole body was convulsing with sobs. I looked up imploringly at the man above me and was shocked to see his contemptuous look had softened ever so slightly.

"_I told you that you didn't mean anything", _he muttered softly.

As I continued to weep and sob, he gently lowered himself to his own knees and forcibly grabbed my chin in a vice-like grip.

"_Hush"_, he snapped, _"I am not going to do that so you can cease your incessant crying and listen to what I have got to say"._

With gasping breaths I managed to control my breathing. When my sobs had finally subsided, he gently tilted my head from left to right, intently inspect me.

"_Hmm, yes, your soul is not worth much in the state it's in, but… it does have potential, yes, I think we can come to some sort of agreement but I must warn you, my terms won't be pleasant"._

"_It doesn't matter what they are, so long as they impact me and me alone, I shall do whatever _you_ want"._

The smirk returned yet again to his face, _"very well, my terms from the previous offer still stand, I will still have claim upon your soul, but in addition, you will spend an hour of each and every day of our contract in my service. In that hour I will have total control over you, I can do whatever I want to you and you will have to obey my every order. Do you agree to my terms?"_

I hesitated, was I really going to do this, sell my soul, and reduce myself to a slave to a demonic being? But then I thought of Elizabeth, her smiling face and my answer was clear, _"Yes"_

"_Ciel Phantomphive, the terms of our contract are as stated, I will help you to gain the heart and love of Elizabeth Middleford, in return for my service you will honour our contract through allowing me to claim a hour of your life per day to do with as I see fit and the payment of your soul on the day the contract is complete. The contract will be declared complete with a confession on love from Elizabeth Middleford to yourself. Do you consent to this contract?"_

"_I do"_

No sooner had the words left my mouth; I felt the air rush from my lungs as my back collided with a sickening crack onto something hard. For a moment I felt nothing, a total numbness, until an intense bout of pain ripped through my back. Through my intense agony I could fell a hand tightly clamped around my throat, and opening my tear filled eyes I saw it was him. Moving faster than humanly possible he had slammed me into the marble of the water fountain, keeping me held above the surface of the fountain water by his grip upon my throat.

Unable to breath, I attempted to raise my hands, to fight him off but panic clouded my mind as I found myself unable to move, totally paralysed. I looked to the demon with panic-stricken eyes but my actions only caused him to chuckle lightly. Loosening his grip on my throat, allowing me to breath, he lent his head forward so his mouth was level with my ear.

"_Oh I wouldn't bother trying to resist, you see_, _I shattered my spinal cord, leaving you totally, utterly defenceless". _

I whimpered in pain as he bit down on the shell of my ear before beginning to lick and suck on my earlobe.

"_Oh what's the matter little Phantomphive",_ he whispered mockingly, _"this is what you wanted isn't it, hmm, you asked for this, you begged me for it. I want you to always remember that"._

He left me ear and began to lick and suck down the column of my neck, my small noises of discomfort pushing him on, but I found myself unable to contain them. When he reached the junction of my neck and shoulder, he looked up, his eyes meeting my own.

"_You asked for this", _he smiled revealing fang-like canines before sinking them deep into my skin. I cried out in pain, but he ignored me continuing to lap at the blood flowing freely from the wound.

"_T-t-the c-c-contract", _I managed to stammer.

"_Yes", _he sighed, _"I'm getting there, it's just a simple matter of placing my mark upon your body… and I think I know just the place". _

He reached his hand forward, behind my head, and in one fluid motion pull of my eye patch.

"_N-n-no, what are you doing"._

"_I need to mark you and its best to do it in a place hidden from public view; we wouldn't want anyone prying now would we?" _

He softly ran his fingertips over the scared over tissue of my eyelid.

"_Wait", _I screamed, but I was too late.

Using his fingernail as a scalpel, he had sliced open the skin, peeling it back to reveal the damaged tissue that had once been my eyeball.

Looking straight at me his eyes took on an ethereal glow before saying, "_Ciel Phantomphive, with this mark, I bind you to me and amalgamate our contract". _

With that he placed his palm flat over my eye and I began to scream in pure agony as the flesh beneath his fingers burned and blistered. Those red glowing eye were my last sight before I fell from consciousness.

**Well done for making it all the way down here, seriously.**

**I love you just for reading, but you know what will make me love you more, if you review!**


	5. Chapter 5

**AN: First of all, I'm so so sorry for the delay with this chapter, I had loads of deadlines for coursework and I had no time to write at all. That also why this chapter is also slightly shorter than planned but there are important plot points at play, so on with the chapter.**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own the wonderful Kuroshitsuji, the amazing Yana Toboso does and thank god she does because she has the ability to write, something I do not **

**Note: **_**italics indicate speech and ~ indicate thoughts **_

My eyes shot open as I jolted back into consciousness, letting out a whimper as a bolt of pain surged through me. After my failed attempt to move I registered that my body was indeed paralysed, even my head hung limply against my chest, only allowing me the view of my lower body. I was slumped in the water of the fountain, where small trickles of blood had blossomed dyeing the water a crimson red.

"_Ah, so you're finally conscious again?"_

A long black nailed finger hooked under my chin, gently pushing it upwards and positioning my limo head so that it rested against my shoulder. From my new vantage point, I had a full view of the demon, casually leaning upon the edge of the fountain, with a slightly bored expression marring his face.

"_Well, I suppose after the shock and pain of full body paralysis, being out cold for ten minutes is something of an achievement for a human", _he murmured to himself in a tone which I assumed implied he was somewhat impressed.

I continued to stare at him with wide eyed shock. I really was paralysed… As the reality of that fact started to set in, panic clouded my mind and I made desperate fruitless attempts to move, to do anything, but the demon just waved his hand away at me.

"_Oh don't worry, I'll heal you. It's become something of a habit the paralysis thing. I grew tired of people trying to escape or struggle once they had agreed to a contract. It's not so much the fact that they could escape, because believe me when I say there is no escape from me, but more that but I distain from chasing prey at a time when I am not able to obtain my reward." _

He seemed to be talking to himself more than me but I at least stopped my attempts to move with his words. With that he lent down and took a hold of my hand, using it as leverage to pull my body upright. I winced from the expected pain, but found none came. Instead of hanging limply as I should have, I found my feet were able to make purchase with the ground and I was able to support my own weight. The throbbing pain in my body had subsided and instead I was left standing upright as though nothing had happened. Glancing down I stared in disbelief as I found I was perfectly able to move all my limbs and my body appeared to have taken no permanent damage. Yet again I found myself looking up at the demon with wide-eyed shock.

He, for his own part, straightened his shirt and continued in a business-like manner, "_yes, well now that is sorted, we do need to iron out some of the finer details of our arrangement. For example, how you are going to integrate me into your public life. It will be much easier if I am able to remain with you at all times, so I must take on some form of believable persona. Any thoughts on the matter?"_

He was looking at me expectantly but I just continued to stare at him in utter shock, with no idea of what to say.

"_Ah", _he sighed, _"it seems as though I'm going to have to make the decisions for now, but no matter. I believe the position of personal assistant would be the best option; it would allow me constant access to you and is perfect cover considering they are common for a man of your profession. Of course you will have to hold some sort of interview process to avoid raising suspicion, but it should be no problem for me to fake some convincing documentation. In the meantime, however, I will be able to communicate with you through thought alone. Well, I think that should settle everything for the time being."_

The whole situation was slightly surreal; the way the demon spoke was as though he was settling a simple business matter. It was unnerving the way the creature who had so recently shattered my body with just a single hand was now talking so calmly and causally. He was also, yet again, looking to me expectantly.

"_Well, don't you have some where to be", _he questioned raising an eyebrow.

"_I do?"_

"_You were in the middle of your engagement party right? I do believe you have a speech you need to make if we are to make any headway and looking at the time I'd say you need to get going."_

Looking down at my watch, I saw it was indeed ten to four and with the announcement planned for dead on four, I needed to get back as soon as possible.

I made to rush forward, but then stopped in my tracks when the memories of why I had come here in the first place flooded back to me.

"_Is there a problem?", t_he demon smirked.

I dropped my head crestfallen, "_I can't go back there… what will I say?… Elizabeth doesn't want me… she'll never say yes, what if she's not even there, what do I do?" _The words came out in a rush as I turned my desperate eyes towards the demon, but he just shook his head exasperatedly.

"_She will be there", _he snapped_, _"_and as for what you will say, I told you I will communicate with you mentally, so let us go."_

Feeling slightly reassured by his words, even if the tone of voice was hostile, I made to move forward once more but turned to ask one last question that had been slightly annoying me.

"_What do I call you?"_

The demon looked slightly amused by this but replied none the less, _"Well, usually that is something I let those I am contracted to decide, but since it seems you are unable to make a single decision, you may call me Sebastian, Sebastian Michaelis. Now come on let us go."_

This time he gave me a small push in order to prevent any more delays and I begrudgingly allowed him to move me forward.

Returning to the party, I immediately heard my name being called and turned to see Elizabeth running towards me.

"_Ciel, where have you been, it's almost time for the announcement," _

"_Ah, I was just…"_ I turned to motion to Sebastian but found he wasn't there. I could have sworn he was right behind me the whole time_._

~_"Do not fear, I told you I will communicate with you mentally"~, _I instantly recognised the voice in my head to be that of Sebastian.

"_Just what, Ciel?" questioned Elizabeth but when I could come up with no reply she just shook her head. "It doesn't even matter, come on their waiting for us"._

Taking me by the hand Elizabeth lead me up to the wooden patio at the front of the garden, in full view of everyone before taking the Champaign glass and spoon offered to her by one of the servers. Taking the spoon she gently tapped it on the side of her glass in order to get everyone's attention. After a moment the chatter of the party died down as everyone turned to face us.

"_Ladies and gentlemen", _Elizabeth started, _"I'd like to thank you all for coming today and it is my sincerest hope that you are all enjoying yourself. Today is a very special day for myself and Ciel, it is one we have been looking forward to for a long time now."_

_~"Hmm, she really does have you wrapped around her little finger doesn't she?"~ _I tried to block out the voice in my head as Elizabeth continued her speech, thanking several of the guest personally for various things they had done to help the pair of them. ~_"You're just like a prize little show dog for her. She does the talking meanwhile you stand and obey."~_

I frowned at these accusations, which didn't go unnoticed by Elizabeth, who gave my hand a sharp squeezed my hand causing me to quickly replace the smile on my face.

The voice in my mind chuckled, ~_"see, a snap of the fingers and there you go, you really don't have any pride do you."_

This statement irked me and I sent a mental shut up back to him.

_~"Oh so you do have some pride, excellent because I think your moments coming up."~_

With that I noticed that I could no longer hear Elizabeth talking and turned to see her looking expectantly, evidently having finished her own speech. Dread filled me and I could feel the intermittent tremor in my right hand acting up again. I moved it behind my back away from view and tried to calm myself down.

~"_Just relax, I'm right here"~, _drawled the rather bored voice, ~_"thank Elizabeth for her speech and then thank everyone for coming"~_

Sucking in air, I pulled myself up to my full height, _"Thank you Elizabeth, and thank you all for coming."_

A pause…

~"As many of you _know, things have been very difficult for us over the past few years", _I repeated the words he spoke in my head, doing my best to keep my voice calm and steady, "_but Elizabeth has always been there to suppor the both of us, even at the times when I hardly deserved her loyalty."~_

I paused after those words, looking to Elizabeth who gave me a small smile in return.

_~"I know I have not been the easiest person to be with, and I have not been able to properly support her when she needed it most but I have finally, in the last year, started to regain control over my own life. I have turned my company once again into a success and it is now my greatest wish that I do the same in my personal life and there is no other I'd rather do that with than this women here."~ _

The voice in my head had ceased but I found I didn't need it. My confidence had grown as I spoke and the tremor of my hand had stopped. This was what I had always wanted, to tell Elizabeth how I really felt. I turned towards here as I took both of her hand into my own and lowered myself onto one knee taking in, not the look of betrayal I usually saw reflected in her eyes, but one of genuine and pleasant surprize.

"_This beautiful woman. The one who kept us together while I could not and kept me sane while I had no wish to be. I owe her my life, my happiness and my heart."_

"_Elizabeth", _I said, needing no further prompting, as I pulled the small velvet box from my coat pocket, "_no, Lizzy", _her eyes widened in slight shock at my use of her preferred name, "_Will you marry me?"_

**Ahhh wasn't that sweet **

**I honestly don't know what's harder: writing a sickly sweet Ciel or write Sebastian period. He's totally OOC but then his whole personality id based around what is required of him by his master so with Ciel being OOC it makes sense for him to be this way. Or at least that what I tell myself.**

**At the moment Sebastian views Ciel as a broken doll that he aims to fix but isn't exactly happy about doing it, but don't worry he'll have his fun.**

**On a side note, that tremor Ciel has is called a **_**Psychogenic tremor, **_**okay because I totally haven't been reading up on the Psychology behind stress for my behavioural genetics course and decide to throw things into this fic. **

**Please review, I love reviews, they are like beautiful and amazing and they are seriously like a drug to me and you all know you what me to write the next chapter totally spaced out right, because who knows what will happen then **


	6. Chapter 6

**AN: Okay so I reread chapter 5 after posting it and I just wasn't happy with it and so I really wanted to make it up to up guys in this chapter. I had it all planned out but, well you know when authors' say their characters have a mind of their own and force them to write the plot in a certain way, well that happened here. So basically if you don't like this chapter then blame Sebastian and Ciel, not me.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Kuroshitsuji**

**Warnings: If you haven't worked it out already, Ciel has psychological issues and they come back to bite him in the ass in this chapter**

It was several hours after the party and I was reclining on my bed staring intently at the golden band that now adorned my left hand.

"_I never did understand the purpose of engagement rings", _voice spoke from the corner. I jumped slightly but my gaze remained fixed on the ring. There was no need to turn towards the voice to know that it belonged to Sebastian. The demon had been silent in my head since the engagement speech and had not shown his face during the rest of the party. I had been idly wondering when he would choose to make an appearance.

"_They symbolise love and commitment, something I'm sure you have no understanding of", _I answered curtly.

He gave an amused chuckle, _"I can see you still annoyed by my comment about Elizabeth earlier but to answer your accusation, I do understand love. Just because I have no experienced in the matter, nor any wish to, does not mean that I don't understand that humans find some… enjoyment from it, something which I comprehend very well."_

I snorted at that, "_Enjoyment? You really don't understand do you? Love isn't about mere enjoyment, it is the most powerful and complicated emotion of them all. It controls every other emotion there is, it can cause happiness or sadness, jealously or trust. It makes or breaks us and one cannot truly call themselves alive if they have never felt it. Honestly I pity you if you cannot comprehend that."_

I expected him to get angry, I expected him to lash out at me but he just laughed. "_You pity me… oh now that is entertaining. Love makes humanity weak, you are a prime example of that fact and if you are somehow deluding yourself into thinking that humans are better than my kind then I must draw your attention back on to that ring. You may believe it's a symbol of love but I see it for what it truly is, a symbol of human idiocy and manipulation."_

_He spat out the last sentence and paused to regain his composure before continuing. "Did you know that human originally believed there was a vein that ran from the fourth finger of their left hand to their heart? That was why humans originally chose to use rings on that finger as a symbol of a matter of the heart. I suppose I understand that at the time but even with the medical advances in the understanding of the human body, the idea was never dropped. Humans just chose to forget its original meaning in favour of something that suited them better and nobody questioned it because they were content to leave things how they were."_

I finally pulled my sight away from my ring and looked towards him, "_that may be true, but I fail to see how that has anything to do with the concept of love. What is important is what the ring symbolises to me and those around me."_

"_Ah well it would make sense for you to say that, you prefer being enclosed in your own small world, unaffected by outside activities, a world you can control."_

I gave him a slightly confused look, _"control? I thought you said you understood everything about me, that you had seen my past. If that's so then you should know that if there is one thing that I lack it is control. I can't even control my own body let alone anyone around me."_

"_No? _He smirked, "_It is interesting that you say that really. Yes, you often feel you have no control over anything, you panic at any sign of stress, you run away from the first sign of danger and yet you have been lying there talking to me, the most dangerous thing you have ever come across, without a care in the world. It is with that I must question your lack of so called control."_

I sat bolt upright, staring at him. Inconsiderable as it may have seemed to me, what he said was true. I did feel perfectly comfortable in a situation, where at all other times, I would have run from in terror.

"_Hmmm" _he mused, _"interesting indeed, but I did not come here just for frivolous chatter. I enacted my part of our contract today and now it is time for me to claim my reward."_

With those words, the temporary veil of calm I had been enjoying was ripped apart as terror grasped me. I had forgotten about that part of our arrangement with all the days' excitement. My mind conjured up images of exactly what he could do to me and I painfully recalled the memories of what I had been subjected to by my kidnappers. But they were mere mortals and I was now hanging of the whims of a demon. The pain and humiliation they had dealt to me as a child, I was sure would not compare to what a demon could do to me.

I panicked as I saw him approaching me and I did the only thing I could think off. I made a run for it.

I got about two steps towards the door before I was forcefully shoved into it, my front pressed painfully hard to its wood and my back entrapped by the body behind me. I made to struggle but a harsh hush in my ear made me freezes in place.

"_You didn't think you could escape from this did you?"_

He leant forward, licking and biting at the shell of my ear, _"I've thought very hard about all the things I want to do to you in our little time together. Now, do exactly as I say and hold very still, make no attempt to struggle." _

I went limp without a fight. What was the point of struggling? Besides, I thought as he continued to attack my ear, this was no more that I deserved. No matter what he did to me, I would accept it without resistance.

He had moved on from my ear and was now seeking amusement at the expense of my neck. I knew there would be marks, but save for a few short gasps of pain, I held in my discomfort. Even when his hands joined in the fray, trailing down my chest and dipping into my trousers with a feather like touch, I held myself still. Closing my eyes, I tried to calm myself into believing that this was a nightmare, just one of my nightmares. I was used to being trapped in my memories and the situation was so similar I could almost fool myself into believing that I was in one. For me nightmares and memories blended into one and I concentrated on the ways the therapists had told me to deal with them. Memories have no power in the present, I chanted to myself, because if you believe something hard enough then it is true. Those hands now intimately toying with me were not real. Keep saying it Ciel and it will be true, they're not real, they're not real, they're not real…

But as soon as the nightmare had begun, it came to an abrupt halt. The hands were pulling away and I suddenly found myself unrestrained. Confused I turned around. Sebastian was still standing there; face completely stoic but he made no move towards me.

"_W-w-why did you stop?" _I whispered. Having now been release, my whole body was trembling from the discomfort I was experiencing from my lower body.

"_You really didn't put up any form of struggle, nothing. How unusual. Even in hopeless situation, humans feel an intent need to do at least something to ensure their safety; their pride does not allow them to give up. Even those who have decided they no longer wish to live, have at least the pride to end their lives at their own hands. You really are damaged goods, Ciel Phantomphive."_

I felt a slight spark of anger at his words, _"I didn't struggle because I understood the situation was hopeless, my pride has nothing to do with it. You will take what you want whether I agree or not."_

"_Yes, that is the basic principle but I find no amusement if there is no challenge, but no matter. When there is a problem you must strive to fix it. You are damaged but not entirely broken; let's see what I can do about that, hmmm." _

He strode towards me again but my attention was drawn away from him. As soon as he had made a move the room had begun to dissolve? It was as though the room had consisted of wet paint that had been submerged in water, it blossomed out of existence to be replaced by new surroundings. However, before I could take in the new environment, Sebastian had griped my chin and forced me to focus my eyes upon his own.

"_Where are we?" _I spoke first, breaking the silence in this new room.

"_I said you were damaged so I suppose you could say I brought you to a workshop, if you like. Although if you would rather a more general location, I could tell you we currently reside in hell."_

My eyes widened at his words, and I opened my mouth but Sebastian interrupted me before I had time to speak. _"Of course, your human mind would deliver you fanciful images of a place filled with flames and bare rock" he sneered, " but these are all incorrect and quiet frankly laughable. Hell is not the place that resided under the Earth as human foolishly thought, but exists alongside it. A parallel universe, if you will. As for the decor, it has none. Hell is merely a reflection of human terror, individual human terror. So, if I am to be more precise, we actually currently reside in your own personal hell, tailored by me to contain the most efficient torture for you." _He gave me a cruel smile before continuing, "_so all that I wish for you to do with the rest of our time today is to just stay here, but don't worry I will come back to collect you when our time is up." _

Realising that he meant to leave me here on my own, I grabbed onto his shirt front imploring him to stay but he just continued to smile before disappearing allowing me to see exactly what he had been hiding from view. What I saw made me close my uncovered eye almost immediately.

It was him, the one I could never be rid of no matter how hard I tried. It was then that I realised that Sebastian had been exactly right when he had told me this place was a reflection of human terror; this was my own personal hell, precisely for the fact that no one else needed to be here to inflict any damage. I pressed the palms of my hand as hard as I could into my closed eyelids and slowly moved backwards away from him. The pain cause by the pressure on my eyelids was intense but the coloured dots that swam behind my eyelids preoccupied me from seeing his image again.

I took another step backwards only to collide with something solid, forcing me to spin around in surprize, opening my eye in the process. I screamed and fell backwards, arms coming up to cover my head like a shield. He was there again, but that didn't make sense, he couldn't have been in front and behind me, unless…

Tentatively I lowered my arms and counted down my ten, in an effort to try to relax myself before opening my eyes. He was still there, staring right back at me but this time I refused to close my eyes but instinctively pulled backwards. Noticing movement in the corner of my eye, I scrambled around to my right, only to see him again. I screamed again and move away, but again saw movement to the side of me. Twisting my head towards it…him… looking to the left… him… to the right…. him, forward… him…backward… him…. Downward… him.

He was everywhere.

I shut my eyes again, finally making sense of what was going on. A reflection of human terror, how accurate indeed. For if there was one thing that could truly instil in me pure horror, it was just that… a reflection.

I remained on the floor attempting to get hold of myself. It was apparent I was in a square room, with walls, floor and ceiling made of mirrors. All I had seen was reflections, right? As much as I didn't want to see those reflections, they couldn't harm me; they only had power if I gave it to them. If I kept my eyes closed they weren't there. I thought back on everything I had ever been told by the physiatrists, that the memories and nightmares weren't real so couldn't hurt me. If I had my eyes closed it wasn't real.

But even in my own head the words sounded like lies, because the memories and nightmares had hurt me. The pain and fear I felt from them was real and no one had ever been able to tell me otherwise. It didn't matter if I closed my eyes, he was still there, in front of me. Panic mounted in me, a totally irrational terror. If I had my eyes closed, I couldn't see what he was doing; I didn't know where he was. My eyes snapped open and stare straight into his one good eye. If I kept him in view then he couldn't hurt me right? I was safe so long as I could see where he was.

But I could feel the burn of someone's stare on my back, he was still behind me as well, and to the left and the right. I launched myself into the corner of the room, pressing my back to the glass on the mirror I huddled into the corner pulling my knees up to me chest. From here I could see them all, nothing was behind me and I was safe.

Wrapping my arms around my knees and resting my chin on them, I gently rocked myself back and forth, whimpering to myself. _It's okay they can't hurt me, it's okay they can't hurt me, it's okay they can't hurt me…_

Fear and panic had totally overcome me though and all rational thought had been lost to insanity. I couldn't take being in the room any more I had never felt more terrified, panicked or disgusted by something in my whole life. The fear that had always held me back turned instead into anger and using that I lashed out.

I threw myself at the glass, screaming and punching again and again. Not a crack appeared in the glass but I didn't care, I just kept smashing my fists against his image, revelling as he screamed and howled in pain. Getting pleasure from his cries even as my fists were reduced to blood pulps and blood was smeared all over the glass. I couldn't feel my own pain, but I could fear his and oh how wonderful it felt.

I only paused in my actions, when lifting my fists became too difficult because the bones had been shattered but I wasn't yet finished and without the use of my hands, resorted to slamming my head against the glass, whilst he continued to scream on and on.

When blood pour from my forehead and I found myself to dizzy to move anymore, I stopped my assault and felt to my knees. Lowering myself to the floor, I curled up into the foetal position, screaming now from my own pain but content in the knowledge that my now screams were met with a chorus of others as they reverberated from the mirror's glass.

**AN: Look before anyone kills me, Sebastian just wouldn't let me write a lemon, he made me write more plot instead. Honestly I knew from chapter one that the thing Ciel was scared of most was himself and so it made sense that his idea of hell would be full of mirrors.**

**But aside from that, they are some major hints in this chapter of things to come which you may have picked out :D**

**I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it**

**Please leave me a review because I love them, like children, well *cough* maybe children is not the right word. Let's just say I love them as much as I would love to slip Sebastian and Ciel an aphrodisiac and lock them in a room together.**

**Yeah that much. **


	7. Chapter 7

**AN: Hey looks like it's time for awkward apology mode again**

**Yeah, so I know it's been a long time since my update but I have had one hell of a month, a not a fun one at that. Unfortunately exam session is upon me so my time to write is really limited. Originally this chapter was going to be much longer but since I haven't put out anything in so long I figured I'd split it in half.**

**I also want to say a huge thank you to everyone who has reviewed/ favourited/ followed/ read this story, I really can't express how happy it makes me so please enjoy this next chapter :D**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kuroshitsuji**

* * *

_The new product has a cost value of 20 pence per unit. However with our current trajectory we estimate a trade price of £4.99, so we are looking at a profit…_

My eyebrow twitched in irritation as I paused from reading for the third time in a row only to go back to reread the last sentence. I may have read the words three times, but I had yet to actually understand any of their meaning. Once again I listlessly tried to force my attention back on to the report I was supposed to be proof reading but found myself still too distracted by listening to my surroundings to take the words in.

It wasn't that there was any noise in the room distracting me, rather the completely lack of it. It was irritating and slightly disconcerting to know that, despite the fact there was someone else sitting in the room, I could only hear the sound of my own breathing.

After attempting to reread the sentence for a fourth time, I gave it up all together and leant back in to my office chair, surveying the room. There had been a new addition to my office in the last week. Sebastian was sitting at a slightly smaller desk than my own; head slightly bend and appeared to be entirely focused on his own work in front of him. Although, unlike me, he was astutely aware of his surroundings and would already be fully aware that I had paused from what I should be doing. He must just be ignoring me on purpose, I thought to myself, possibly in an attempt to wind me up. I frowned slightly to myself; it appeared that it was working quite well for him.

I sighed and shook my head slightly. Overall, it had been one of the oddest weeks of my whole life, consisting of both highs and most definite lows.

* * *

After that first night I spent in, what I have now come to call the room of mirrors, I must have passed out some time before my hours was up; perhaps due to blood loss but more likely from the damaged caused from hitting my head against the glass. All I know is I had awoken the next day in own my bed, completely healed and with a regained grasp on my sanity.

Although Sebastian had been present in the room when I awoke, he made no mention of the night before and since I had no wish to bring it up; neither of us said anything on the matter. I had inwardly recoiled at the thought of the state the demon must have found me in but forced myself to keep my mind of the matter. Out of sight out of mind, isn't that the saying. In the end, the only conversation between the two of us on that first morning was of the plan for the day ahead.

Having gotten confirmation that I would be attending work that day, Sebastian had instructed me to arrange an interview process for the position of a personal assistant. At first, I had stared rather blankly at him, until he so flippantly reminded me that I needed a cover story to explain his presence. At first I had argued that since we could communicate mentally, there was no need for his physical presence but after a heated discussion in which the demon kept calmly insisting and I reluctantly acquiesced. After that, he instructed me to stress that I wanted the position filled immediately and to set interviews for two days' time and I was left on my own to dress and go down to breakfast.

* * *

Breakfast was usually a quiet affair in the Middleford household but that morning we all seemed that much… brighter. Elizabeth was ecstatic about how the party had gone and was positively gleaming over her morning toast. Almost as soon as I had reached the table, she had exactly pushed me down into my chair in front of a copy of The Times newspaper to show me that they had printed an article about us.

"_On the second page, no less", _she had said excitedly.

Reading an article about myself was something of an oddity for me. If anything was printed about me in the papers it was always unpleasant and usually hidden away from my view by everyone in the house. Although most of the articles eventually found their way into my hands one way or another and even if I didn't see them myself, someone was bound to tell me what they contained. This time however, it was quite refreshing to see one that showed me in a somewhat positive light.

The whole thing portrayed me as some sort of tragic hero; the type who had suffered greatly but was now doing their utmost to turn their life around. I couldn't help but smirk slightly at the cruely irony of the whole situation. The reporters really didn't have any idea how close they were to the truth on that matter. Hero I may not be but it was certainly astounding the lengths I had gone in order to change the life I had previously been living.

The rest of breakfast passed happily enough, with Elizabeth animatedly chatting away to me and her father. Alexis also seemed to be ecstatic at how things were going, or maybe he was just putting on a happy face for his daughter. Even Aunt Francis, although still not uttering a word to me, did seem to have a slight smile on her face. In the end I headed out to work in a better mood than normal, even going as far as to promise Elizabeth that I would meet her for lunch.

The morning's work passed quickly and pleasantly enough. After stopping by human resources first thing to organise the PA position, I spent most of the morning heading up a variety of different meetings and press reports but managed to excuse myself in time for my lunch date with Elizabeth.

Reflecting back on that time, I couldn't help but smile. Elizabeth tended to avoid going out in public with me and I had never asked her for fear of putting her in an uncomfortable position. On the few occasions we had done anything together on our own in the last few years, it would always be Elizabeth doing the talking. However, I found that Elizabeth and I were not technically alone in this situation as Sebastian had once again stepped in to act as the mediator in my head. Ignoring all his sarcastic asides and taunts, Sebastian had proved to be extremely useful in providing the right words and subtle pushes that allowed me to engage in a full conversation with my fiancé for the first time in years.

The rest of the week passed in a similar fashion. Aided by Sebastian I had begun slowly, but never the less resolutely, to break down the barriers that existed between us. Elizabeth and I grew closer by the day, they were small gains but they were bigger than I ever could have imagined.

The last few days had been some of the happiest I had ever had. Work was going well, my relationship was going well and the interviews for PA had also been a surprising success.

* * *

Looking back over at Sebastian, he still seemed to be engrossed in his work. Still ignoring me I guess. I wonder how long it will take before he comments on the fact that I'm not doing anything. His expression may have been neutral and focused, but I could see his eyebrows furrowing ever so slightly in annoyance. I slightly cheered at my victory, after Sebastian's constant teasing over the last week I savoured every small thing I did that annoyed the demon in any shape or form.

I thought back to the day of the interviews. Although I knew Sebastian was a demon, after two previous glowing candidates who would be ideal for the role, I had questioned whether he would be up to the challenge of looking proficient enough. I had questioned Sebastian the day before why I had even needed to interview other candidates; the position was mine to fill so there was no need for it too look so official. But, Sebastian had once again insisted that others in the company would want to ensure that their leader was being helped by competent hands.

Much to my annoyance, Sebastian had been proved right when the next day Diedrich had all but insisted that he sit in on the interviews with me.

With the interviews being posted on such short notice there were only three candidates, Sebastian being the last of them. After sitting through the first two, I had felt slightly worried that Sebastian would match up to them, they had glowing CVs and recommendations and had both interviewed well. Yet as it turned out I needn't have worried…

Sebastian had put the other two candidates to shame. Whereas their answers where good, his were flawless. He had excelled at every point, avoided falling every time Diedrich had tried to trip him up with a particularly taxing question and left me with an easy justification in giving him the position.

From them on the pair of us had been sharing an office and I had found my work load halved.

"_He hem",_ a cough interrupted my train of thought. Looking up it seemed that Sebastian had finally grown tired of my slacking and had chosen to put it to an end.

"You_ know" _he snarled _"as per the terms of our contract; I have no obligation to be working for your company, especially no completing all your tedious paper work."_

A week ago I probably would of shied away from a statement like that and returned back to my work but not now.

"_It may not be part of our contract but I do in fact pay you for this don't I. Knowing how much you demons enjoy contracts, I would have thought you would understand that since I pay you for this job then you have to do whatever I order you to do. Besides, you were the one so eager for the position, were you not?"_

The previously held sneer of the demon quickly morphed back to his usual smirk. _"Oh it seems your so much braver now, unlike last night when I found you cowering in a corner unable to face your own reflection."_

That was the cue for my own dramatic change of facial expression. Yes, in some ways the week had been one of my best, but also one of my worst.

* * *

I still found myself spending each and every night in that room. I idly wondered how long it would take before Sebastian tried of this form of punishment because although the ordeal still badly affected me every night, it was becoming easier. Last night Sebastian may have found me cowering in a corner but at least hadn't attempted to unknowingly kill myself. I may have felt fear but it was controlled fear.

Looking back over at Sebastian I could see he was smirking, probably taking some pleasure idea of me painfully reminiscing. Yet I found myself determined not to give him the satisfaction of believing he was causing me pain. Smirking back at him, I took great pride at the fact I was able to glare my own death squarely in the eye and for once in my life not back away in fear. With that pleasant thought set in my mind, I turned back to my work with a new gusto enjoying the newfound calmness I had finally achieved.

* * *

**AN: R and R 3**


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